As a parent and caregiver myself, I know what the most valuable gift is for a new family. Spoiler alert: it’s not the tiny little onesies, classic books or soothing stuffies. Don’t get me wrong, I loved those too, but the most valuable gift I received when I was pregnant and postpartum, was the gift of support.
Unless you have lived experience of pregnancy loss or training that guides you in supporting people who have, knowing how to hold friends and family through such tender times can feel heavy. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with grief can take your breath away—it’s human nature to want to back away from that. Sometimes, that resistance is immobilizing, other times it helps create space and time to process your own emotions.
I have a confession to make: I used to be an incredibly judgmental doula. And no, before you ask, I would never judge my clients out loud and outright, but no one was stopping me from thinking about my judgments. I also would never go as far as to insert my own personal opinions in my clients’ decision making, but knew that had I been the person making the decisions, it would look a whole lot differently than theirs.
Early in my doula career, I supported a family through an unexpected stillbirth. At the time, since I was so new in practice, I felt completely lost with how best I could support this family now moving through grief. It was a stark reminder that no one can ever truly prepare for what grief and loss feels and looks like.
The word doula originates from the Greek language and was coined to mean “servant woman” or “slave”. Merriam-Webster today defines a doula as “a person trained to provide advice, information, emotional support, and physical comfort to a mother before, during, and just after child birth.
So, you’re looking to hire a doula to support you in a reproductive care transition – hooray! In supporting your quest in hiring a doula, we’ve come up with 10 questions you can ask birthworkers when you meet them to gauge whether they are the right fit for you.
We work and live on the unceded and occupied territories of the Sḵwx̱wú7mesh Úxwumixw (Squamish), səl̓ilw̓ətaʔɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) and xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam) Nations. Since time immemorial, the original peoples of these lands have cared for their families and communities. We are committed to honouring their teachings, legacy and their sovereignty.
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