10 Ways to Improve & Enhance Intimacy After Having a Baby

by Brood

Becoming parents is an incredible experience, and undoubtedly introduces new challenges for intimate relationships. Amidst the sleepless nights and diaper changes, maintaining intimacy is likely on the back burner (and that’s ok!) while you integrate your new family member. Eventually, starting to think about reintroducing intimacy is important and may feel daunting, but we want to help you take steps to make it a little easier! For many couples, the transition to parenthood is a time where intimacy is redefined. It’s not gone, it didn’t disappear, it’s just changing and evolvingas you undoubtedly are becoming a new version of yourself as a parent. Understanding our own needs, body changes and giving it time and being gentle with ourselves and our partners, goes a long way to support healing, and coming back together in new and exciting ways. Here are just some of the ways you can begin to rediscover, and enhance intimacy after baby (or any time for that matter!).

Prioritise Communication:

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Make time for regular check-ins, discussing both the joys and challenges of parenthood. Sharing your feelings and concerns will strengthen your bond and help you navigate this new chapter together. Talking about our fears and reservations is just as important as sharing in the joyful moments. If all of this sounds important, but you can’t imagine mustering the strength to have a full-blown adult conversation — lean into emoji communication

Schedule Intimate Moments:

With a new baby in the house, spontaneity might not feel possible (or at least not like it used to be!). Embrace this by scheduling intimate moments. Get that calendar out and add in time for each other! Plan date nights, even if they’re at home, to ensure you set aside time for each other amid the daily chaos. Maybe it’s ordering your favourite take out, or something as simple as scheduling in a cuddle! It might seem silly or simple, but these small things can make a BIG difference in the long run.

Embrace Physical Affection:

Physical touch is a powerful way to maintain a connection, but we totally get that you might feel “touched out”. Hug, kiss, and hold hands whenever you can. Lay down together and cuddle with your clothes on, or give each other a little hand or foot massage after you get the baby down for a nap. Small gestures of affection contribute to a sense of closeness and reinforce your emotional bond – and yes, holding hands while watching your favourite TV show DOES count! It all counts.

Team Up on Parenting Duties:

Sharing parenting responsibilities creates a sense of teamwork. When both partners contribute to childcare duties, it reduces stress and provides opportunities for shared moments of joy and bonding. Sharing the load means different things to everyone, and learning to communicate our needs in a productive way is really important. We know that tackling the gender divide all by yourself can be a lot, so for more support check out this course by MomWell!

Rediscover Intimacy Beyond Sex:

Understand that intimacy is not solely about sexual activity or intercourse. In fact, that could take a while to get comfortable with and that’s ok! Focus on emotional and intellectual connections as well. Engage in meaningful conversations, share your thoughts, and show genuine interest in your partner’s experiences. There are MANY things that might contribute to someone not wanting to have full blown sex, so give yourselves lots of time and space to get reacquainted with your own bodies (and each other) before diving back in – this might even be the perfect excuse to splurge on a new toy!

Celebrate Milestones:

Acknowledge and celebrate the milestones, both big and small. Whether it’s your baby’s first smile or successfully navigating a challenging parenting moment, taking time to celebrate achievements fosters positivity in your relationship.

Practice Self-Care:

Taking care of yourself is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. Ensure you both have time for self-care, whether it’s a relaxing bath, reading a book, or engaging in a hobby away from the family. What makes you feel good and juicy? It doesn’t need to be something you spend money on or a facemask, it could be dinner with a friend, a special glass of wine or cocktail you’ve been missing, or masturbating while the family is out of the house! Focusing on you first is really hard sometimes, but the more you practise the easier it becomes we promise.

Seek Support:

Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professionals like a postpartum doula. Whether it’s sharing your parenting experiences or seeking guidance on relationship dynamics, or support with things around the house and taking care of the baby, having a support system can alleviate stress and in turn up your energy to strengthen your connections! Asking for help is really hard sometimes, but we’re here to remind you that you don’t need to do this alone.

Reignite Romance Through Playfulness:

Find creative ways to reignite the romance in your relationship. Surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, write love notes, or plan an overnight getaway if that’s possible. Take a sexy selfie just for you, and then share it with your partner if you feel excited by it!

Navigating the post-baby phase can be challenging, but with intention and effort, relationships can find a new equilibrium within your family structure. And know, there are always supports out there – whether it’s our amazing workbook Rediscovering Yourself: Part 1, learning in community, or coming back to this work when you have more capacity – do it in the way that feels best for you and your family!

Looking for more resources on improving and enhancing intimacy after having a baby? 

Below are a few ways to uncover and create the foundation of your relationship with yourself.

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We work and live on the unceded and occupied territories of the Sḵwx̱wú7mesh Úxwumixw (Squamish), səl̓ilw̓ətaʔɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) and xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam) Nations. Since time immemorial, the original peoples of these lands have cared for their families and communities. We are committed to honouring their teachings, legacy and their sovereignty.


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