Second Time Around: How Parenthood Priorities Shifted with Baby #2

By Mahin Rosin

As a self-proclaimed control freak and type-A planner, I over-prepared for both—being on leave and returning to work—the first time around.

For me, the biggest difference with a second child was knowing what mattered most to me and making that a priority.

Like so many baby-related things, I had a new perspective the second time around! This time, I better understood what was worth my time and energy—and what wasn’t. This clarity allowed me to focus on what truly mattered and prioritize earlier, knowing how my priorities would shift with the addition of another child.

Here are some of the key conversations and considerations I had (with myself, my partner, and my community): what stayed the same, what changed, and how we prepared for our second baby →

Conversations with My Partner About Working Life with Two Kids

When my partner and I were expecting our first child, we had very few friends—and no immediate family members—who had kids. Years of pop culture had us focusing on the things we thought mattered most: picking a name, setting up a nursery, and looking at tiny baby clothes.

Fortunately, thanks to friends with kids, we received the sage advice to discuss the changes our family would need to make during my year on parental leave. We talked about who would handle household tasks, who would use the car and when, and how we’d manage evenings and nights with a newborn.

This time around, the nursery still isn’t ready (seven weeks postpartum!), and the baby clothes are hand-me-downs. However, we still had those important conversations—this time with new layers:

• What life would look like as we cared for an older child and a newborn.
• How we’d handle two kids and two working parents.
• Who would manage drop-offs, pick-ups, and inevitable sick days.
• What evenings would look like if one of us wasn’t home.
• What extra support, if any, we’d need—not only while I was on leave but when I returned to work.

In the hopes that these conversations might help new parents, here’s what we decided:

• While I’m on parental leave, my partner drops off our older child at daycare and returns the car home so I can pick up both kids later without disrupting naps.
• When I return to work, if our child care locations are far apart, we might need a second car to avoid one of us doing multiple drop-offs and pick-ups each day.
• Our family’s “crunch time” is right after daycare, so we try to be home for that—even if it means catching up on work after bedtime or adjusting weekend commitments.
• We’re building a list of trusted babysitters for evenings when we both have commitments (and hopefully for date nights!).

On Planning for Childcare

Have you seen The Hunger Games? If so, you’ll have an idea of what finding child care in Vancouver feels like. Somehow, it’s acceptable to live in a city so expensive that both parents need to work, yet finding child care to make that possible is harder than becoming the final victor.

An upside of having a second child is that we were already connected to our older child’s daycare providers. This gave us an “in” to let them know early that we’d need a spot. In the world of child care, this is like having VIP access to an exclusive club that others wait months—or years—to join.

With our first, we naively assumed child care would be easy—after all, everyone does it, right? Wrong. We had no idea how many families were piecing together limited child care options just to barely cover their full-time jobs.

This time, we were more realistic. Since we’d already done the research for our first, we re-applied to all the same child care centres—this time, really early. We also knew what worked for us: five-day-a-week care with hours that fit our schedules and a location close to home or work. Knowing this saved us time applying to places that didn’t meet our needs.

Investing in the now

You don’t have to have a kid to know that expanding your family requires a budgeting rejig. What we used to spend on dinners out or a weekend get-away is now allocated to diapers and formula. 

Before deciding on a second kid, we took a look at our finances and planned for different scenarios. What if one of us lost our job? What if one of us had to take a pay cut?

This time, we also looked at what caused the most financial stress the first time around and where we could invest some more resources to make life easier.  For example, sleep deprivation hit us hard with our first baby. Knowing this was likely to happen again this time—but now we also had an older child that we had to have energy for—we planned to pay for overnight care twice a week for the first few weeks. Having a night nurse (or postpartum doula) can help you get that extra sleep so that you can have the energy you need for work and newborn (and to keep up with your toddler!). It was a huge privilege that we were able to make this decision, and it required us to make trade offs so we could invest in this. But we knew how important it was, and having this help was an immense relief both physically and mentally, and it allowed us to get the rest we needed to be present for both kids.

Paying for support isn’t an option for everyone, so it’s worth actually taking people up on their offers of “let me know if you need anything!” and being direct about asking for help so you can rest. It can be so hard to ask for this, but your energy and mental health is worth it. Think of specific things they can do, like making a meal, doing some chores, or watching the baby while you nap or do something for yourself. Even better, is if you can get this support in place before the baby is born so you don’t have to project manage your own support during the postpartum days.

Bolder career conversations

Returning to work after leave can feel daunting—whether it’s about balancing everything, leaving your baby, or, like me, wondering how you’ll fit back into your organization.

When I first went on leave, I knew I’d return to a restructured organization and would need to find a new role. As a generalist in a large company, I thought my best approach was to cast a wide net: staying connected with colleagues and networking widely.

But I realized I needed more than that—I needed a sponsor. Someone to advocate for me, highlight my talents, and connect me to the right opportunities.

This time, I’ve asked a couple of people to sponsor me during my leave. I also know that who I work for matters as much as the role itself, so I’ll prioritize that when returning. I’m also more realistic about how much I can influence while on leave—always a challenge for my personality type!

When we were deciding to have our first child, everyone warned me about the major life changes and priority shifts. What few people mentioned was how much your priorities would shift again when you have a second child.

Adjusting to life with two kids takes time. Being gentle with yourself and staying open to change can make the transition easier. For what it’s worth, I found it easier to adjust to a second than to a first! Past experience gave us the foundation to have different, better conversations about family life, finances, and careers.