Content Warning: This post contains discussions of miscarriage and early loss. Due to its heavy content we suggest you take breaks when necessary, and check in with yourself. We also encourage you to have a support person accessible to you — whether learning alongside you, in the next room, or a phone call away. 

I’m no stranger to pregnancy loss, and neither are many women in my family. This lived experience gives me a deep empathy for friends who go through miscarriages or early pregnancy loss. But even with this personal history, I’ve found that showing up for someone who’s grieving can still feel daunting. For many of us, navigating any type of loss is challenging, and knowing how to be there for someone can feel overwhelming. Despite the fact that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, it’s still a topic shrouded in shame and stigma, which makes it even harder to offer support or to ask for help.

It’s natural to feel unsure of what to say or do, but the most important thing is simply being there for them. As a friend, your presence, empathy, and understanding can make a world of difference during such a difficult time. Here are some tangible ways to support your friend as they navigate their grief.

Acknowledge the Loss

The simplest and most impactful thing you can do is to acknowledge your friend’s loss. Don’t avoid it because you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. Acknowledge their pain with statements like:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”
• “I’m here for you, whenever you want to talk.”

Avoid saying things like “Everything happens for a reason,” or “At least you can try again,” or “Now you know you can get pregnant at all!”. These types of statements, even if well-meaning, can feel dismissive. Let them know you see their pain and that you’re available to listen without needing to fix it. 

Let Them Lead the Conversation

When your friend chooses to open up, let them lead the conversation. Every person grieves differently—some may want to talk about their emotions, their experience, or their baby, while others may not. Be comfortable with silence, and follow their cues. You can ask gentle questions like:

• “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
• “What do you need right now?”
• “Would it be helpful to talk, or would you prefer some quiet company?”

Sometimes just listening is the best gift you can give. Resist the urge to offer advice or solutions. Instead, say things like: “I’m here with you,” or “It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling.”

Offer Practical Help

Grief can be overwhelming, and everyday tasks might feel impossible for your friend right now. Consider taking some responsibilities off their plate with offers like:

• Bringing meals or groceries
• Running errands or offering childcare (if applicable)
• Taking care of household chores (cleaning, laundry, etc.) or walking their dog
• Sending thoughtful care packages, flowers, bring them their favorite treat
• Giving them rides to and from appointments

Always offer specific help rather than saying, “Let me know if you need anything.” You might say, “I’d like to drop off some groceries for you tomorrow—is that okay?” or “I’m free to pick you up or drop you off at any of your appointments this week.”

Remember Their Loss

One of the hardest parts of pregnancy loss is the fear that the world will move on, and their grief will be forgotten. Mark the date in your calendar and check in on anniversaries or due dates. A simple text message or card on these days—“Thinking of you and your little one today”—can mean so much. Letting them know you remember and that their grief is still honored is a simple and powerful gesture.

Respect Their Space and Boundaries

Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own timeline. Some people may want constant company, while others might need complete solitude. Let your friend know you are there, but respect their boundaries if they aren’t ready to talk or have visitors. You can text or leave a voice message saying something like:

• “No need to respond, just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you.”
• “I’m here whenever you want to connect, no pressure.”

Grief is not linear, and some days will be harder than others. Check in regularly, and be prepared to meet them where they’re at.

Show Up Consistently

Loss and grief don’t disappear after a few weeks. Often, support floods in right after a loss, but wanes as time goes on. Continue to check in on your friend over the coming months, and show up when the initial waves of support have faded. Send a text, drop off coffee, or simply ask how they’re doing. They’ll appreciate knowing they’re not alone, even as time passes. Set a reminder in your phone to “check in on so-and-so” for a month or two months from now.

Educate Yourself and Your Community

If you’re unsure how to support your friend, take the time to educate yourself about miscarriage and pregnancy loss. Understanding the different types of loss, common emotional responses, and what not to say can prevent unintentional harm. Share resources, like our FREE Miscarriage and Early Loss Course, with your wider community to foster a culture of support and understanding. By learning more, you can better advocate for your friend and be an informed ally in their healing process.

You Can Make a Difference

Your friend needs love, empathy, and connection right now. Show up, acknowledge their loss, listen deeply, and offer specific help. It’s okay if you don’t have all the right words—the most important thing is that they know you are there. 

If you’re interested in learning more about how to support those going through pregnancy loss, feel free to reach out or check out our resources. Consider getting your friends access to our incredible Miscarriage & Early Loss Course, where they can learn about:

→ Types of Miscarriage
→ Navigating Your Options
→ Common Medical Interventions
→ Miscarriage Myths
→ Grief Support & Healing
→ The Spectrum of Feeling & Loss
→ Demystifying Miscarriage for Your Support Team
→ Your Relationships & Community
→ Medical Resources & Moving Forward

Consider offering to sit down with them and go through the course! Learning alongside someone you love can be an incredibly healing thing.

If this resonates, or if you know someone who might benefit, please share this post.