Pregnant Curious, Now What?

by Emma Devin

 

 

I’ve spent my entire life trying to not get pregnant, and now I’m maybe, kindof, a little, interested in being pregnant. Or am I? What should I do? Where do I get started? And why does this feel so hard – Undecided

Hellllooo Undecided! 

Ah yes, that little mental tab you have open in your brain, and you’re not quite sure when it first popped up. You feel it when you’re looking at photos of friends and new babies or seeing pregnant people walking down the street when you barely noticed before. Maybe you are feeling new feelings when your period arrives, or are in deep conversation with a partner, parents or fielding questions from people at work. Perhaps you’ve never imagined your life with kids – and are experiencing a worry of regret if you don’t. 

We call this phase Pregnant Curious. 

It could be months, years or longer, of being in conversation with yourself, your brain, body and spirit about if you want to head off on a path to parenthood that involves pregnancy, and what that might look like for you. Deciding to grow a family, or live a life enjoying kids in your community (but not in your home 24/7) is your decision to make.  No one (not even me, in our first column) can tell you what’s right. But we can dig deeper into how you are feeling, and what you might do next. 

Pregnant Curious is a time of taking stock of your life, celebrating the parts that are working and the parts that might not feel so good. This uncertainty is complex and so, so real. It’s a decision that could factor in complex societal norms, family pressure, and what your heart desires vs. what your life needs. Maybe you’re juggling a partner’s wishes, or starting this journey solo. A concoction of questions might include elements about climate, finances, housing, work and identity, your own childhood experiences.

It’s important to give this phase a name, to validate that some folks have conversations about whether pregnancy or parenting is right for them, and make all different kinds of decisions. Give yourself the space to live the questions, and space to learn about what’s next if you are actively interested in conception, or whatever route you’d take. 

Pregnant Curious is a phase of gathering data, gathering stories from friends you trust, listening to your body and intuition. We also love to tell people it’s okay to change your mind.

We also want to empower you with more information about the “how” of conception, which can be a factor in some Pregnant Curious folks anxiety.  

Let’s start with why it feels so hard. There have been entire systems gatekeeping all of this info from you — starting from from public school systems to shitty dating advice in your 20s through to medical misinformation in your 30s. So, it’s super normal to find folks in really complex situations where they don’t actually understand the nuts and bolts of how to make a baby, if they decide to do so. Now add in all of life’s pressures and all of the barriers to getting this knowledge, and we have a complex matrix of excitement, overwhelm, and a real need for support..

The kind of sucky news is that it’s actually quite hard to get pregnant — which is some of the biggest misinformation that’s out there. Lots of people think it’s straightforward and simple to get pregnant, you just throw some eggs and sperm together, and whoopi, there you have a baby! This is not most people’s experiences, and we want to normalize the fact that this is a pretty intricate experience and it’s normal for it to take some time. 

Now, lets dig a little deeper. How are you planning on making a baby? Are you having to get some legal documents lined up and finding donors? Are you having to check in on your fertility and your reproductive health? Or are you able to have intercourse? Either way, it’s a good idea to check in with your reproductive health, see how your eggs are doing, see how sperm quality is, and get a little baseline of information. This will support you in knowing if you are either good to continue as planned, or if you’re working with a slightly different framework. If you’re navigating conception with more challenges, you might be seeking extra help from other wellness practitioners, (naturopaths, your family doctor, accupuncture, or even supplements for egg and sperm health).

Then, let’s look at the timing — you really have to time baby making, which is centered around ovulation. When ovulation occurs, people will release about zero to two or so eggs a month. This means that we’re timing everything around when that egg drops, there are some months ovulation doesn’t occur and some months where more than one egg is released (which is where twins can arrive!). Now, how do you know you’re ovulating? Well, there’s a few indicators. Your cervical fluid will look (and feel) different, your cervix will physically shift, and your temperature will rise. These are all things you can understand more deeply through reading books, like Taking Charge of your Fertility, taking courses with Moss the Doula, and clinics like Yinstill.

Usually, a couple tweaks happen and people have a much more supported, educated, and concise path to parenthood. There’s people whose entire careers are built for this moment! 

It’s very normal to have a lot of feelings about all of this, especially when you find out how complex it can be to actually get pregnant, and then the barriers that can come with that journey, and the privileges that other people may have. Conception and fertility is just the beginning of a large mountain that becomes parenthood — we see you, we hear you, we celebrate you beginning this process. We’re wishing you juicy, fertile time ahead!

Resources:

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: 

Emma Devin (they/them) is a full-spectrum doula with a decade of experience in care work — in their practice, they specialize in support for 2SLGBTQIA+ families and doula agency structures and have been a part of over 500 births. Emma is a co-founder of Brood, Western Canada’s most trusted doula agency – providing doula care to families and create the next generation of career doulas through meaningful business support, mentorship and training. They have four kids and one dog in their family structure and love to spend weekends at the farmers market.

Join Our Newsletter

Full Name(Required)
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

We work and live on the unceded and occupied territories of the Sḵwx̱wú7mesh Úxwumixw (Squamish), səl̓ilw̓ətaʔɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) and xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam) Nations. Since time immemorial, the original peoples of these lands have cared for their families and communities. We are committed to honouring their teachings, legacy and their sovereignty.

#buildyourbrood

Site by YupLook
Brood logo written as brood in lower case

Join our list and get notified!

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.

You have successfully subscribed!