By Nafeesah Allen, PhD. at PreggyFinance.com
Family planning is deeply personal, and for queer and trans folks, the journey often intersects with structural inequities, social stigmas, and financial barriers. Costs for IVF, surrogacy, adoption, legal protections, and gender-affirming care can make building a family a daunting journey, compounded by the pressures of cisheteronormativity.
During my time at the NYC Anti-Violence Project, I saw how gender non-conforming individuals struggled to access basic services. Later, as a mom of three and a personal finance enthusiast, I experienced the gender wage gap, pink tax, and pregnancy penalty firsthand. These inequities, shaped by race, gender, and sex, reveal the hidden costs that harm marginalized communities and society as a whole.
For queer and trans families, these disparities are magnified, from expensive assisted reproduction to legal hurdles and workplace bias. By addressing these barriers through advocacy and financial literacy, we can empower families to overcome challenges and build the futures they deserve.
Living Expenses
Like all families, queer and trans parents face the universal costs of raising children: housing, childcare, education, and general living expenses. However, systemic biases and discriminatory laws add another layer of complexity. Many 2SLGBTQIA+ families must choose where to live not just based on affordability or proximity to work but also on safety and access to legal protections.
Ari Linder, a Financial Advisor at Merrill Wealth Management, highlights these realities:
“Kids are kids and family is family, but some things are different when you’re trying to be financially strong as a 2SLGBTQIA+ person. These families have to be more careful about the places we choose to live. Sure, we consider the factors everyone else does. Is the area affordable? What are your job prospects? Is it close to other people you love? But when other families begin calling realtors or picking schools, our families begin checking state and local laws. Moving to places with tougher local laws might mean preparing financially to react unexpectedly.”
Building an emergency fund for potential relocations, legal battles, or other crises has become an unfortunate necessity for many trans and nonbinary families, as discriminatory legislation and unsafe environments continue to threaten their basic rights and well-being. It is deeply disheartening that, for many, preparing for the possibility of uprooting their lives to access gender-affirming care or escape harm is a part of their living expenses. Solidarity and allyship—through financial contributions, advocacy, or community building—are essential in easing these burdens and pushing for a more equitable future.
Healthcare
For many queer and trans families, accessing parenthood is deeply tied to expensive medical interventions. IVF, surrogacy, and adoption are already costly processes, and trans and nonbinary parents may face additional expenses related to gender-affirming healthcare and fertility preservation. “Life & Debt” author, Leslie H. Tayne says:
“Some of the highest costs for 2SLGBTQIA+ individuals and couples include adoption fees, reproductive fees for IVF or IUI, surrogacy, and legal fees for adoptions/ establishing parental rights. Adoption fees can range from $20,000-70,000, and IVF and IUI fees can cost between $12,000-17,000 per cycle, not including medication costs. Surrogacy can cost anywhere from $60,000-150,000. Legal fees can cost $2,000-3,000.”
Moreover, many insurance companies fail to recognize or cover the specific needs of queer and trans families—Jenene Oleaga, a family formation attorney and reproductive rights advocate, advises that:
“aside from the above-referenced costs be prepared to fight with your [life and health] insurance companies about what is covered. Many insurance companies have policies that are simply inapplicable to LGBTQ+ individuals and navigating the cost of paying for uncovered expenses can be time-consuming and frustrating.”
Fighting for coverage can add significant stress, time, and out-of-pocket costs, the resources below can offer financial support for adoption, fertility treatments, and surrogacy— through grants and assistance programs →
- Fertility Friends Foundation
- Fertility Within Reach
- Community One Foundation’s Rainbow Grants
- Fertility Matters Canada
- The IVF Warrior
Explore whether your employer provides family planning benefits, such as coverage for fertility treatments, adoption fees, or parental leave top-ups, as these can significantly reduce the financial burden of growing your family. Many larger companies with inclusive policies are starting to offer better support, often in partnership with programs like Carrot Fertility, which works with employers to provide inclusive fertility and family-forming benefits. While not all workplaces provide these benefits, if your plan doesn’t meet your needs, consider advocating for expanded coverage or exploring provincial and federal supports, such as the Canada Child Benefit.
To help manage the financial challenges personally, consider leveraging available savings tools and provincial programs. Take advantage of TFSAs and RRSPs to save for family-building expenses, and investigate your eligibility for reimbursement related to Assisted Human Reproduction. In BC, a Publicly Funded IVF Program will launch in 2025, covering certain fertility treatments for eligible families. Meanwhile, Ontario residents can access support through the Ontario Fertility Program, which provides financial assistance for fertility treatments.
If you plan to access costly services like IVF or surrogacy, consider speaking to a financial advisor (we suggest Vancity’s Wealth Advising Team!) to explore low-interest loans or other sustainable options to avoid relying on high-interest credit cards. Consulting with financial professionals experienced in family planning for 2SLGBTQIA+ families can help ensure your financial strategies align with your goals!
Legal Advice
Legal protections for queer and trans families are essential but often overlooked. Simply appearing on a child’s birth certificate is a positive step, but it may not fully secure parental rights for non-biological parents, especially in regions with anti-2SLGBTQIA+ laws. Legal parentage can often only be fully established through court orders or adoption processes, which vary by province. For example, in Ontario, a non-biological parent can be recognized as a parent without adoption if they are in a “marriage-like” relationship with the birth parent at the time of the child’s birth. In British Columbia, some families can register more than two parents on a child’s birth certificate, accommodating diverse family structures.
Oleaga emphasizes the importance of establishing legal parentage through court orders for children born via assisted reproduction:
“legal parentage to their children born through assisted reproduction through a court order. Without a court order declaring their legal parentage, you can be sure their parental rights will be challenged. Being on the birth certificate is not enough. Birth certificates are administrative documents that can be changed and amended.”
This is a critical legal step to address before situations such as travelling, seeking medical treatment for your child, or enrolling them in school—all scenarios where legal guardianship may be questioned.
Donor and surrogacy agreements are another key consideration for defining parental intentions and rights and preventing future legal disputes. These agreements should be detailed and formalized with the help of a legal professional to ensure they are enforceable and provide clear protection for all parties involved.
For trans and non-binary parents, ensuring that gender identity is accurately reflected in all legal documents, including birth registrations and parental declarations, is essential. This process may require updating identification documents and navigating provincial systems for gender marker changes. In some provinces, non-gendered parental titles are now allowed on birth certificates, providing recognition that aligns with the parent’s gender identity.
Navigating these legalities can be daunting and sometimes costly, but addressing them proactively ensures your family’s safety, security, and recognition under Canadian law!
Childcare
Cishet families often rely on extended family for childcare, but many queer and trans parents face significant barriers to accessing this type of support. These challenges can stem from estrangement, rejection, or a lack of acceptance within their families of origin, as well as cultural or social alienation. Even when families of origin are present, they may not fully affirm the identities of queer and trans parents, creating emotional and logistical challenges in relying on them for childcare. Linder emphasizes the importance of planning and exploring alternative support networks to navigate these challenges effectively:
“most commonly trans or nonbinary couples – who are estranged from the family members who typically help out during young family years” suffer from lack of family support. “That means either career tradeoffs or paying for more childcare.”
Beyond familial barriers, accessing childcare itself can pose unique challenges for queer and trans families— discrimination, lack of understanding, or discomfort in traditional childcare environments can make it difficult to find affirming and safe care providers for their children. These obstacles often lead to higher childcare costs or force parents to make career sacrifices to fill gaps in care themselves! Building a community of chosen family and queer-friendly support networks is vital.
Retirement Planning
Structural inequities leave many 2SLGBTQIA+ individuals behind in retirement savings. A 2020 study by Merrill Lynch Wealth Management found “more than 20% of affluent LGBTQ+ individuals…. have never invested toward retirement or in property.” Queer and trans individuals tend to also face pay inequities, discrimination in the workplace, and higher healthcare costs, all of which can impact long-term financial security.
This can be addressed by prioritizing the reduction of high-interest debt, such as credit card balances, and consistently contributing to retirement accounts like RRSPs, and tools like the Home Buyers’ Plan or the First Home Savings Account, which provide tax advantages for first-time homebuyers, and can make entering the housing market more affordable. Additionally, building savings through TFSAs offers greater liquidity for both short- and long-term goals, helping aspiring parents balance family planning expenses with retirement savings.
In Canada, legal marital status significantly impacts retirement planning for 2SLGBTQIA+ couples. Since the Civil Marriage Act (2005), same-sex spouses have equal rights to survivor benefits under programs like the Canada Pension Plan and workplace pension plans, ensuring continued income for surviving spouses. Common-law partners may also qualify for certain benefits, but eligibility varies by province and pension plan.
However, marriage is not always a straightforward choice for queer and trans couples, given its historical and cultural weight within cisheteronormative frameworks — couples should weigh these decisions carefully and seek a financial advisor who understands the unique pressures 2SLGBTQIA+ families face.
Legacy Planning
Whether navigating the complexities of blended families, protecting assets from estranged relatives, or ensuring legal protections in the face of discriminatory challenges, clear legal documentation is essential. Documents like powers of attorney, medical directives, wills, and trusts are critical tools to safeguard your family’s well-being and ensure your wishes are respected. While there is a cost to drafting these documents, investing in professional assistance ensures legal clarity and helps mitigate potential challenges.
This is particularly important for blended families or those with shared business and personal assets. For example, Canadian estate laws generally prioritize biological relatives if no valid will exists, which can lead to disputes or assets being inherited by family members who may not support or affirm your identity! By creating a detailed estate plan, you can avoid these scenarios and ensure your loved ones are protected. Linder advises to:
“first do what I call ‘Playing House.’ Research to find out what the new car plus insurance, housing plus utilities, or formula plus childcare will cost each month. Begin ‘paying’ that amount into a savings account every month and see how tight your budget feels. Do this for 3-6 months. You’ll either adjust your spending to fit that new expense or learn that it’s too expensive for you. The money you were ‘paying’ into savings can now boost your down payment or start a college fund.”
By proactively engaging in legacy planning and utilizing these resources, you can ensure that your family’s future is secure and that your wishes are honoured →
- Five legacy planning tips for the LGBTQ+ community
- Why Estate Planning Matters for the LGBTQ+ Community
- Unique considerations for LGBTQ estate planning
The TLDR; How to Prepare Your Financial Health as a 2SLGBTQIA+ Family →
- Test Your Budget: Linder suggests “playing house” by simulating future expenses like childcare, healthcare, or moving costs for 3–6 months. Use this exercise to identify financial gaps and adjust spending habits. Need a budget template? Use Vancity’s!
- Build a Network: Surround yourself with affirming professionals, from family lawyers to financial advisors who understand 2SLGBTQIA+ lived experiences.
- Leverage Resources: Explore grants, inclusive employer benefits, and community networks to offset costs.
- Plan for the Unexpected: Establish emergency funds, prioritize legal protections, and prepare for potential relocations due to discriminatory laws or unsafe environments.
2SLGBTQIA+ families navigate a world full of unique financial, legal, and social hurdles that cishet families may never encounter. Yet, through proactive planning, deep community connections, and the guidance of affirming professionals, these challenges transform into opportunities for resilience and growth. At Brood, we believe that building a family as a queer or trans person isn’t just about navigating obstacles—it’s about boldly reclaiming joy, weaving connection into every step, and creating safety and love on your terms. Together, we’re redefining what family means—strong, radiant, and unapologetically yours.
To support you in this journey, we’ve gathered resources designed to empower 2SLGBTQIA+ families with the tools, guidance, and care needed to thrive. Whether you’re planning your family, navigating legal complexities, or seeking affirming support, these resources are here to help you build with confidence and love.
2SLGBTQIA+ Organizations →
Financial Blogs, Websites, and Podcasts →
- Queer and Trans Wealth with Leo Aquino
- The Hell Yeah Group
- Finance for the People: Getting a Grip on Your Finances by Paco de Leon
- Queer Money (Podcast)
- Preggy Finance
- Willful
Family Building Resources →
- Family creation: information on reproductive planning by TransCareBC
- Sexual and reproductive health education for providers across Canada
- Family Equality Council’s LGBTQ Family Building Grants
- Together Estranged
- Modern Families: Stories of Extraordinary Journeys to Kinship by Joshua Gamson
Ready for even more? Check out Brood x Vancity’s course → Wealthy Beginnings!
